The demise of dating
Feminist victories mean that women can enter into partnerships more equally. But we might be able to dismantle the self-defeating trope of nice guys finishing last if we refocus the conversation to look into what the "nice" in nice guys really means. But alas, things change; humanity moves forward and adjusts. Young college students "pinning" their girlfriends in the s was not exactly a centuries-old tradition. But we all know how easy it is to delete a picture or crop someone out when things go south — evidence of a break up for your social media world to witness. And make no mistake, things have changed.
But looks aside happy hour now consists of an army of women with their phones at eye level uncontrollably texting, all the while men are sitting back gauging who even seems approachable. The only hope men have is to have sex with her as many times as possible until her attraction fizzles out and she moves on to the next guy. Any nice guys reading this have probably heard something similar before -- that they're the kind of bring-home-to-Mom gents that women are really, truly looking for. I suspect it's because rules, in many ways, are easier than freedom. If your goal is to be fancily courted and then married at 22, that's certainly harder today than it was 50 years ago. The feminist gains of the s and 70s were a reaction to those "blissful" s. In the general culture today it really means little more than two and soon to be two or more adults consorting for as long as they please, for whatever purposes they please, until it makes them happier to no longer do so. More egalitarian relationships tend to be more stable; partners in them have more sex; and the male partners tend to spend more time with their children. Change is always scary, and I am sure plenty of commentators throughout history whined that the warmth of fire wasn't as satisfying as body heat, the flushing toilet less authentic than the chamber pot, the buggy not nearly as charming as the covered wagon. See, in psychological circles, niceness is just a quotidian synonym for agreeableness. A woman cannot be even subtly flirtatious without fearing significant pressure to go very far, very fast with someone she might just like to get to know slowly. A typical, annoying query is the last-minute: Women wanted their own bank accounts, the right to marry whom they pleased, a college education, a fulfilling career, control over when they had children, and the chance to pursue what they found inspiring. Young college students "pinning" their girlfriends in the s was not exactly a centuries-old tradition. Suddenly she realizes that she no longer needed to equate height with masculinity; she needed a man who made her feel feminine and sexy. Meanwhile since it seems some women nowadays are not sure what they want in the dating and relationship world, it may cause men to no longer see the value in the pickup. At least, not until after they have a quick romp in between the sheets. So, how could it simultaneously be the best of times? Many young women confirmed this by describing men as immature and not interested in anything but sex. Of course, that's not at all how it actually worked. The researchers found that men in the office who display the most agreeableness read: But for all of those reasons, and perhaps now more than ever before, hetero dating could really use some nice guys. We have cellphones, which facilitate last-minute get-togethers. A more authentic marriage proposal — being sold into matrimony by your father, and taking few rights with you — is one that I'm sure most women are happy to leave behind. They were gone when my parents dated, my grandparents even. Just looking at my immediate social circle, social media and gender equality have played a defining role:
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